Someone Please

Give me the energy to get those damned cookies done. I haven't been sleeping well, so tired. I have sugar cookie dough in the fridge calling my name. I still have to make peanut butter cookies too. Ugh...Not feeling it, but I must.

I Suck

...and not in a good way. I have every intention of keeping up with this blog, then my short attention span kicks in, or the kids get me busy, or depression makes me not give a shit. Or. Or. Or. Lots of excuses as to why I give up on this and everything else I intend to do.

I have these ideas in my head that sound good! They sound feasible! They sound like something that would improve my way of life in some way-I'll be more organized, healthier, happier, you name it. Then that voice creeps in and tells me to forget it. It's not going to work because I won't actually get it done. I begin to doubt myself and my ability to do whatever it is. I begin to believe that I really can't finish whatever it is that I started, so I quit. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy and I'm absolutely disgusted by it and by myself.

My sweet husband...God, I don't know how he puts up with it. I start things, I get distracted, I get defeated, and I stop. He picks up the pieces and keeps us going. I keep waiting for that moment when he says "Enough!" and sees me for what I really am.

When I started this blog a year ago (with 4 posts, go me!), I swore I was going to be honest. I was going to share what makes me who I am. I was going to link this shit to Facebook, make it public, and let everyone see who I am. Yeah. I'm too chicken. Maybe someday. Not today.

Edited: My husband, the darling that he is, made me amend this to say that I baked 19 dozen cookies today. He's standing over my shoulder eating one...I bet it's a tollhouse. He loves tollhouse.
He just corrected me: it's a toffee cookie.

How the heck did it hit June already?!?

Between soccer and school and rainstorms, the year has flown by.  I didn't realize I've been so damned lazy in my blogging.  The boys are playing soccer this spring.  We usually do fall soccer, but with the changing of the league, spring soccer was included in the registration.  So...here we are, getting up too damned early on a Saturday morning to watch the boys play.  Thing 1's team...it's painful to watch.  He's frustrated, we're frustrated...It's just painful.  Thing 2-at 6, it's cute no matter how they play.  The girls on his team like to hold hands as they run down the field.  I think that should be an official soccer strategy.

Rainstorms...holy shit, the rainstorms.  Our basement flooded and we're in the process of tearing down the walls and emptying it of 40 years worth of crap.  Yes...40 years.  MIL throws nothing away.  Ever.  She's having a hissy fit because we're throwing just about everything away.  The joy of living with a hoarder.

School.  Soon we'll have three 4th graders and a 1st grader.  Impossible.   I need to have another baby.  Fat chance.